The Ballad of Ernest Hemingway

Ernest Hemingway was a brilliant man. Ranking up there with President Grant in the Hall of Asskicking. Unfortunately he ended his life before his time was up. But at least he went out with a bang (pun intended). Well, I have decided to write a short story, a ballad if you will, detailing some of the more interesting moments in his life. Here is an excerpt. There will be more. Probably (I am kinda lazy).


I awoke early today,
to write a tale of Ernest Hemingway.
A man's man who roamed the sea,
hunting members of the Nazi Navy.
He set out from from port one bright morn,
with liqour, guns, and lots of scorn.
Turns out hunting subs was just an excuse,
A reason to fish and for alcohol abuse.

Blowing smoke part 1

Recently here in Springfield a no smoking law was passed. As I understand it, this law affects restuarants and bars. It could cover more than that, I am not sure. My point, however, is that I feel this is a gross violation of personal freedoms. You might be asking "Now Corey, you fucktard, how can a no smoking law violate an individual's rights?" Well shut your corn-hole and read.
These business's are privately owned establishments whose owners should be allowed to decided what they want to allow to happen inside said business. The arguement has been made that the smoking should be banned because the second-hand smoke causes negative health effects to innocent bystanders, but the problem with this is, no one is forcing these people to enter the establisment in the first place. If patrons know that smoking will be taking place, and they do not want to partake, then they should not enter. It's that simple. By telling these business owners what they can and cannot do with their property, we are violating the rights they have over their property.
The state does have a duty to protect the health and rights of the public, but these private businesses are not hurting the public since they are not forcing anything on the public. Coal-fired powerplants hurt the public more than a bar that allows people to smoke does.
It has also come to my attention that private businesses cannot discriminate based on race, disability, etc. This is ridiculous. If you don't want someone on your property, then they shouldn't be allowed in. I realize this ethically wrong, but the state cannot take away the rights of an individual to protect the rights of the majority if the rights of the individual do not cause harm to the rights of the majority. And the individual rights cannot cause harm because the majority is not forced to patronize the business. The good thing is, in our capitalist society, the market would drive that business into bankruptcy by not using it. I know I sure as hell would not go to a restuarant that did not allow black people in.
This whole arguement comes down to individual rights and personal responsibility. Is smoking bad for you? yes. Do people have a right to smoke? yes, as much of a right as they have to drink, or to eat, or live. The fact is, you die a little each day from doing any sort of activity, smoking just accelerates that. However, a person does not have the right to infringe on anothers rights. Which is why smoking is illegal in public places.
Now I realize this arguement is coming from an untrained legal mind. And I'm sure there are some people out there that could run circles around my legal knowledge and point out all sorts of fallacies with my arguements. I welcome this criticism, but I also ask that you give me a chance to respond.

Updates

Its been a few weeks since I have written anything. I am lazy and you just cannot turn inspiration on like a light. I have a few things in the works, and when I get around to typing them up, I will.

Clerks II

I saw Clerks 2 last night. Pretty funny. Kind of juvenile, but that is my kind of humor anyway.
Seriously though, if you have nothing to do for a few hours, go see this. It is damn funny and well worth the trip. It's kinda sappy towards the end.
I would write a more in depth review, but I am feeling really lazy, so fuck off.

I hate engineering and engineers

There really is nothing else to write. The title pretty much says it all.

Announcement

To all the 1 people who read this blog. That's you Rob. I am thinking about changing the URL of the blog to no1blogga. This is funny for a couple reasons. Well, only one. It kinda has a little street language action going on there. Anyway, this is of course subject to availability, but if it is still there in a few days, I am switching, assuming I don't think of something more clever in the mean time.

Most dangerous game

When I was in high school I read a rather well written and thought provoking short story called "The Most Dangerous Game". The plot, quite simply, was that this rich guy would bring unwitting people to his island and hunt them for sport. Sounds like fun right? Anyway, the point of the story was to show that Man is the most dangerous game of all.
I disagree with this. Most people are rather cowardly, and if you were to corner them, or confront them with any sort of weapon, especially some sort of high-power hunting rifle, they tend to cower in fear. Bears on the other hand would just stand up on their hind legs, knock the rifle from your hands, and then tear your face off. Then they would maybe eat a little bit of you just to drive the point home.
Bears, the most dangerous game indeed. Sharks too.

Umbrellas, an optometrist's dream

I awoke this morning to the sound of thunder and rain. At first, this was the sweetest sound in the world because it meant that it wasn't going to be hot as balls outside today. Then, as the sleep wore off, I realized just how wrong I was. Not about the heat, oh no, it was a beautiful 76 or so degrees outside, but about how nice of a day it would be. You see, even a slight amount of mist will instantly produce short people with umbrellas.
Since I stand at about 73 inches, a good amount of people are shorter than me. This means a majority of umbrellas are at exactly eye level with me. To be more precise, the pointy little metal protrusions that circle the edge of the umbrella are at eye level with me. Consequentially I would be spending the entire day try to prevent blindness.
Of course, like clockwork, I am no more than 20 feet outside my building when I encounter my first eye-gouger. Since I was behind this one, it was easy to avoid, until it came time to pass this person on the sidewalk. This bitch was not only walking half my speed, but also walking down the middle of the sidewalk, therefore, with the umbrella's radius, the whore was taking up the entire sidewalk. As usual, I had to walk in the grass. Anyway, I spent the next 15 minutes trying to get to class on time all while trying to avoid having one of my precious sight-orbs oh so violently plucked from my skull.
I just don't understand why people whip out the protective rain gear at the slightest sign of precipitation. Despite all the uproar about acid rain, it's not going to hurt you. However, your umbrella will hurt me. I need my eyes, I use them to see things.

North Korea can tongue my left nut

What. The. Fuck. How is N. Korea still a country? How many countries have they threatened with nuclear weapons? This shit cannot be allowed to continue. Bush needs to grow a pair, or get them back from whoever the hell has them, and bomb the fuck out of N. Korea.
The Founding Fathers would not have stood for that asshat Kim Jong Il. In fact, I can picture it now.
Thomas Jefferson, or T. Jeff to his friends, would sneak up behind him, hook his arms, and restrain him, then George "Moses" Washington would head butt him. While Kim was bleeding rather profusely out the nose, Georgie would start working the ribs. Then while George was out taking a smoke/drink break, Ben "Franky" Franklin would break Kim's legs with a 2 x 4. The three would then take turns teabagging Kim before they finally drawed and quartered him in front of a crowd of thousands. A band would be playing the national anthem in the background. Finally, his head would be mounted in the Oval Office and his torso would be mailed to those pussies in Venezuela as a warning.
Oh man. I just messed a little.

Subliminal Mind Raping

It would be more then fair to say that I spend at least a quarter of my conscious hours watching TV. Overkill? Probably, but until it is shown that TV causes cancer, nothing will change. Anyway, over those four hours, I see quite of a few commercials. Most commercials are pretty run of the mill; average enough not to catch my attention. However, my TV watching bliss has been ruined as of late by a series of commercials from the Coca-Cola company. These of course would be the Sublyminal advertising commericals for Sprite. Who the hell thought this shit was a good idea? Honestly, these commercials are horrible. Some know-nothing advertising major who thinks that their degree actually means something thought these would be mind blowing. Somewhere out there, probably in California, some group of douchebags took time out of their busy schedules of verbally fellating each other long enough to push out this gem. I don't think I am alone in suggesting that these people be put on trial for war crimes.

The saddest thing is that the most annoying commercials are also the most memorable. So along that same line of thought, I have an idea for a whole new line of commercials. 45 seconds of someone dragging their fingernails down a chalkboard. Horribly obnoxious. Highly memorable. Pure genius.

That dull ache in the back of my skull

This blog has been long in the making. Anyone who has talked to me for more than 10 minutes can tell you that I like to go on long rambling tangents about random shit and how I would make it better. The next logical step from ranting to my friends, is to ranting anonymously on the internet.
So at long last, it has arrived. An outlet where I can pour out all my creativity (or what little I have) and hope that some of it will coalesce into a semi-coherent thought.
Sometimes my postings will be serious thoughts on topical issues. Other times, it will be sarcastic essay concerning anything that is pissing me off. And, if I am really desperate for material, it will be some miscellaneous crap that just falls out of my head.
If you find anything I type offensive, I don't particularly care. You can't please everyone. If you find my writing funny, then I have accomplished something. If you think this is a bunch of stupid drivel, then what can I say, I am doing my best. I am not a creative writing major, just a lowly number cruncher with a dream.
By the way, that pain in the back of my head is from stupid people.